Roger "FUCKIN" Rabbit: A Very Short Story

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. It was one of the highest and lowest point of my life. It was that very day that I realized how blessed I am to have friends from in and outside my job. It felt good.

But at the very same moment, I am battling 95 demons in my head. After 8 years of no meds and therapy, they are back- stronger and angrier. I tried working it out alone. But it only lead me to a series of poor decisions. I let my guards down, allowing vultures to feed on my decaying insecurities and need of appreciation.

Then there was this one guy - let’s call him Roger. It was a flick of gold shimmer in the pool of mud and garbage of my so called life. For a brief moment, I was lead to believe that I am worth loving. It was a short moment of bliss. 

He's not Dave. My friends told me he's an overcorrection. Not the typical guy I will date. Even the boss warned me, "Why start something you knew that is doom from the start..." I said that the only red flag I saw in him is the fact that we live in the opposite side of the spectrum. I am Ying and he's my Yang. I can work with that. I am willing to meet him halfway or even join him in his Yang realm.

And then it was gone. His reason was blurry. I did not understand or maybe I refused to understand. All I know was, I have to get away from him. To save face. To save my heart from breaking... again. But to be honest, I wasn't in love yet. I am hurt not because I already have a deep attachment to him. I just can't seem to fathom the idea that I got played nine ways to Sunday. He's good. He's Roger Fucking Rabbit good. I'd like to believe that I am a pro. I mean come on... I am not the goody good good either. Promiscuity is my middle name. After all, I am my father's daughter. Yes! You can google our family's flirty history. FOR GOD'S SAKE, WE'RE ON THE NEWS BECAUSE OF THAT!

But Roger Fucking Rabbit is Al Pacino. He is the godfather. Hands-down-raise-the-roof-tip-of-the-hat good. He's a con artist in disguise. Fucking redundant. For awhile, I thought God sent me this man to change me. To leave the lifestyle I am living for 30 years. I guess, I'd be sticking for awhile. Not today kid. Not today.

The Real Story

I arrived at Big Sky at around 10 in the evening. It wasn't usual after Dave and I broke up some months ago. Yes, the rumors are true. It was an on and off relationship due to infidelity and treachery from Dave's side. However, that night was different. I arrived at the bar a little earlier because I want to eat dinner first.

Paul immediately approached me as I stepped foot at the Sky's door. He said, "Kilala mo yung nasa bar?".

Hindi, bakit sino ba yun?, I replied

When I turned around I saw her. The girlfriend. I immediately asked Paul if I should go instead of staying. Paul only replied, "Ikaw".

I decided not to go because it will only raised eyebrows if I go abruptly. Paul also mentioned that another one of Dave's girl is coming. It was uncomfortable for me. I only said, "Ano sabay sabay na naman kami?"

I chugged down one bottle of Pale Pilsen in like 5 minutes. In an empty stomach, the alcohol kick in. I looked at the tab and my name wasn't written correctly. I asked Dave and he only smiled back. It was kind of insulting but I remained calm. And then I heard him saying, "Wala eh pogi problems..." referring to the situation where I (the ex), the girlfriend and the present fling will be at the same place at the same time.

It was the last straw for me.

I saw Dave walked out of the Bar and headed to Mcdo. It was my only chance. I don't want to confront him inside Sky to avoid scandal so I followed him. When I am sure that we were out of eyesight, I asked Dave, "So dadating pa nga ba yung isa? Ano sabay sabay na naman kami? Nambabastos ka ba?'

Dave replied with an annoying smile.

"What the fuck Dave?! Hindi mo na ako binigyan ng kahihiyan. After mong ipagkalat ang nangyari sa atin ipagmamalaki mo pa na ang dami namin. Ano kasi ang pogi pogi mo? Gustong gusto mo yan eh. Pinagsabihan ka na ni boss. Ayaw mo pa rin tumigil."

Dave said, "Wag kang gumawa ng eskandalo dito..."

I said, "Hindi ako gumagawa ng eskandalo. Pero hinihiya mo na ako eh... Fuck you Dave! Fuck You!

And then all the anger that I managed to pushed down through all these months suddenly burst out. I slapped Dave on the face so hard he backed down.

"Hindi ka titigil hanggat hindi ka nagtatanda. Tama na. This has to stop!", I said.

 I run back to Big Sky while Dave followed me.

"Sorry na, patawarin mo na ako. Hindi na ako uulit. Please na patawarin mo na ako. Luluhod ako sa harap mo. Kasalanan ko to. Patawarin mo ako", Dave pleaded.

I ignored him. Instead I walked back to the bar pretending nothing happen.

I sat beside Jensen. The guy wasn't aware of the situation. I chugged another gulp of my Pale and sat beside Junees. I said, "Hi, can we talk outside?"

Junees and I walked outside. At the back of La Creperie. Rommel saw us and he tried to stop me. Thinking I will create a commotion. I said, "No Rommel, let me do this. She deserved to know..." Rommel, walked away.

"Ikaw ba yung girlfriend ni Dave?", I asked

"Opo, bakit?", Junees replied.

"Payo lang from girl to a girl, dalas dalasan mo ang punta dito.", I said and then I walked back to the bar.

I didn't know what happened after that. All I know was, Junees walked out together with her two friends. Dave tried to stop her but it didn't worked out.

I thought everything is done. Until I saw Junees friends outside the bar. They both approached me.

"Mam, pwede po ba kayong makausap?, they said.

"Oo naman. Pero wag dito. Maraming mata. Punta tayo sa bahay ko...", I said

Junees, her two friends and I went to my house.

Junees wanted proof. I showed her proof. I told her I am sorry. I didn't know that Dave has a girlfriend at first. And when I found out, it was too late. I told her I made Dave chose between her and I; Dave chose her. That's why we broke up. Dave told me you guys broke up that is why I came back. When I found out that it wasn't true, I broke up with him again. Dave fooled me. I am so sorry.

Junees and I somehow patched things up. I told her that if she really loves Dave, go and fight for it at all cost. But I won't be around anymore. I would like to stay away from them as much as possible. I will no longer be the "third" party anymore.


AND THAT IS THE WHOLE STORY FOLKS...

An Open Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart

Dear You,

It's been 15 days since the night you came over my place. It wasn't a great night for the both of us. I admitted I over react and my emotions clouded my judgement and refused to listen to your side. We weren't that far yet in terms of relationship years but I felt something different since the day I met you. You were a jolt of life to my dead heart. Our relationship, as quick as it may, was the highlight of my year. It was a roller coaster ride and a fuck fest of emotions.

And for the first time in 5 years, I never felt so alive. But then reality came. I have to choose if I can handle your erratic behavior; your punctuality; your mysterious personality. Maybe we jump too quick and forgot to know each other well. And so this happened.

I miss you so much. I tried hard not to; and I am still trying as of writing this. But everytime I see that green dot beside your social media account, I am battling 45 demons in my head not to send a message to you. Each time you texted me or send me IMs, I am fucking slitting my wrist not to give in.

We broke up because I decided that I need to love myself more. I never thought loving myself more is so much painful than loving you. Now I am so confused. I am un-effable. I wish things will be different...

Love,
Hannah