Believe it or not, working your ass off is not the main key
to become vital in your company. Of course, slacking is also not an option. You
need this few tips to acquire absolute immunity to termination.
Numero uno; be absolutely available every time. Let your
Manager or your Team Lead feel your presence at all times. Make him or her
depend on you. Let him or her become absolutely powerless without you. It’s
like you’re his/her Knight and Shining Armor who will always save the day. I
don’t just mean work-related stuffs, but also domestic, love live, money etc.
Be that tiny little worker that crawls inside his/her life as deeply as
possible. In that way, at times that you will screw up (this will happen,
believe me) you’ll have a free pass.
Second, be “that somebody”. Meaning, you need to establish
yourself to become “that somebody” in your work place. So when someone asks anything
about you, your co-workers will instantly say, “Aaahh that’s , the brainstormer!!!” .Though be very careful in choosing what kind of
somebody you wanted. You don’t want to be, “Gina, the ghost seat mate” or
“Warren, the corporate douchebag”. I don’t want to burst your bubbles but the
corporate world still has social hierarchy, just like in high school. Only, the
nerds dominate the dumb jocks and hotties. Though wannabes are always be
wannabes no matter how much they aged.
Third, don’t fart. Yes, I literally mean fart, that
disgusting smelly gas coming out of your ass. Most of the companies have proper
ventilation and there’s no way in hell that you can hide the smell of your
rotten gas. So I strongly suggest that you should hold your fart when inside
the office’s premises. If you can really fight the urge to blow that air crap
away, GO OUT or forever live in shame.
Next, sleep with your boss. If you are a man/woman of shaky
moral ethics, climb in the bed with your boss. A woman’s body is capable of
producing oxytocin, a hormone responsible for the woman’s unexplained emotional
attachment to her mate after intercourse. So this is a win-win for dudes who
has lady boss. For girls, just master the art of kama sutra so you could lure
your boss in bed and never get tired of you… (and will not fire you). It gets
better if your boss is married. You can black mail him/her into ruining his
credibility by letting the world knows his/her infidelity. But of course,
expect that your soul will definitely burn in hell afterwards. Well if you
consider this as an option, then I guess you won’t mind spending your damnation
in Satan’s armpit.
Join whatever crap your boss is into. That will make help
you establish yourself to become one of his/allies. Be very interested in every
details of your boss’ hobby. If possible, browse some books and exert effort in
researching all information you think needed for conversation purposes. Soon enough,
you’ll be his/her Golf buddy or Basketball team mate in and outside office.
Disclaimer: This is just me; attempting to do a satirical
write-up… so please do not take it seriously. But if you want to, it’s on
you.
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