A Short Story

Long time ago, there was this little girl who fell madly in love with a young man. This little girl watched this certain young man from afar dreaming that someday he will look at her with sweetness in his eyes. Until one day, fate decided to bring the little girl a little bit closer to that young man. They became friends. For that little girl, it was a dream that came true. It was more than she could wish for. She felt contented and happy.

Then suddenly, the wind of fate blew in the opposite direction. Someone interfered in their friendship. The little girl had to make a choice between her feelings and someone else happiness. The little girl chose that someone else happiness. The little girl decided to step back a little far from that young man to make things uncomplicated.

It was devastating. At a very young age, that little girl had to face the ugly truth and reality that the love of her life was in the arms of someone so close to her… someone she also loves, someone from her family. The little girl watched the young man and his new found love holding hands and building great memories. But then they broke up and that young man disappeared.

Ten years after that fateful day… that little girl has grown to be a young successful woman. She is now smarter, courageous, independent but heartless. She refuses to fall in love and get hurt. So she went on with her life but carefully not to give that much love to others just to avoid getting hurt again.

But that young man from the little girl’s past suddenly came back. Like two old friends, they began seeing each other and hanging out. Together they forget all of the things behind them and all their issues. She thought she could now handle herself. She thought she is now wiser. She thought she will not fall anymore. Yet, even time couldn’t ease the feelings. Suddenly, she was young again. All of her rules, standards and beliefs that she worked hard for were gone.

Love swept away all the anger, the pain and the issues from the past. And in just one whisked of that man’s finger, she is now fallen madly in love… again. But still, in the eyes of that man, she is still that little girl… just a friend nothing more, nothing less.

How ‘Bout A Round Of Applause

It’s been two months since the day I finally accepted that I cannot start any real relationship with another human being because there are some feelings that I need to overcome with before I do so. The previous one was a big mistake. He might be reading this but seriously it wasn’t my plan. I didn’t mean to use and hurt him this way but it was just now that I completely understand why things weren’t working out. It’s because I am into someone else. I am not sure if it is love but I am totally positive that he’s the one I want to be with right now.

Two years ago, I met a man who for some reason sweeps my sanity away from my nuts. But this

guy is fucking married and he really loves his family. It started out with just a simple infatuation. I admire him for his superb talent in music and his dedication in his craft. And then we became friends-- a little inch closer from the rest of the group. I can relate to him as well as he can relate to me easily despite of the age gap. With that, my so called infatuation was nurtured and he then became an obsession. I am digging my grave faster than I thought. Everyone in my group were all despising the fact that he ever existed and perpetually reminding me of the seventh and tenth commandment of God. But I am stubborn. So before I knew it, I am fallen for my own shit and the only way I could think of is to run away. I did that. I took off and leave his world.

I thought I was doing fine. I still talked to him on a distant communication. I never had the courage to see him after I left. I never tried to test my courage since I am too scared to fail. Then I met someone that saved me from that crappy hell. I thought I was happy but things eventually turned bad and awful. I broke his heart as I left him.

I was regaining my life back. Quenching alcohol and partying with my old and new friends. Then one normal night, I got acquainted from the man I ran away from two years ago. At that moment I had no choice but to face him. I honestly feel that I can do it without the peculiar feeling that I used to have. But I was wrong... the moment I looked at his eyes and his hand brushed my face, those two years of learning how to let go had just popped like a bubble in my face. He knows how to unnerve me and made me do things I shouldn’t have done in the first place. I knew it was wrong. But even if I knew that it was erroneous, just the thought of him makes it all right. That night was magical, the feeling was unfathomable and I swear I would want to stop and let the moment stay forever. But the sun was rising fast and that signaled us that we should all go back to our senses. Reality has to smack our faces that the magical moment was just a dream and it was time to wake up. It was time to stand up and go back to our daily lives—the normal lives which we both dwells on to. The kind of truth that I wanted to bury for the longest time—that he belongs to someone else’s sky and I am alone with a broken heart and a broken self.

And today, I am running again—running away from him. But I am much wiser… I certainly think that. I can’t say that playing the role of the home wrecker bitch for a night is a wise move but doing things to seize that moment from happening is brilliant.

Writing in this blog is like having an invisible friend. It’s like a confession box where I can just type away all the thoughts that my brain could possibly generate. Most will definitely be shocked or might think that I have written the gayest entry of all time… But this part of my life makes me stronger and it inspires me more to be a better human being. This is my life’s journey that I would never ever want to forget. All the values and the pain molded me to become a decent and enhanced woman.

But you put on quite a show, really had me going.

But now it's time to go, curtains finally closing.

That was quite a show, very entertaining...

BUT IT'S OVER NOW... GO ON AND TAKE A BOW!

There's No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk...

A very close friend told me when I told him about what happen…

Mourning is over… must move on.

Sometimes when you are struggling to find your happiness that is where shit happens. Everything will come stumbling down in front of your sorry ass and the only thing left to you is a broken heart and a broken dreams. After investing into something you thought deeper you’ll soon realize that there are more to learn and more to accept. It’s a never ending process that you’ll need to tolerate to make things last.

I am being profound because I don’t know… maybe I am thinking straight and I need to fuck this thing out of my system.

This week wasn’t usual. It wasn’t even fun or exciting. It’s a time of grief, broken pieces and shredded heart. It marked the end of a dreary past and a start of a new life. New look, new haircut and more positive outlook in life, more beers, less sleep and tons of trips, my own personal ingredient to cure my broken heart.

Old company, old people but new friends.

It’s not too late to show them that I am a jolly person and not the retard slut in the corner. I can crack jokes, quench beers and smoke. I can be a friend and not just a co-worker. I can be a normal human being… the way I used to be.

I learned a lot of things in the past; from there I will start this new phase in life with much courage and strength to face the real world. I MIGHT fall for another trap or do something STUPID in the future but I know that it will end soon because in this world, even good things never last.

Lesson learned…

Life time commitment isn’t my thing. (EMO ALERT!!!) No matter how perfect it may be, I can always find a tiny hole to screw it off. It’s not that I can not give love; I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. (slitting my wrist while typing this line)

Sometimes, investing your feelings to another human being comes in a much disoriented way. Because no matter how you tried making it work… one day you’ll wake up the love you have is already gone.

So cheers to the new life ahead of me…

He’s Just Not That into You

A year ago, a friend of mine lend me a book and tried selling out to me by saying that, “you should read that… that might answer everything you need to know…” I don’t exactly remember that I have read this book not until I saw it again in a bookstore with a different cover and additional chapters.

I have a penchant for reading books over and over just like watching movies so I bought the book trying to remember why I forgotten this thing anyway. And also I am kinda delighted to have this book because of the caption written at the bottom center of the book… it says, Now A Major Motion Picture.

He’s Just Not That Into You is a collection of stories of different girls dealing common problem—relationships. This book became crazy ass hit when two writers of the popular Sex and the City series had actually transformed into a relationship gurus and firing away love advices that became super helpful for those who are seeking for it.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo conceptualized the whole context of this widely known self help book to proliferate the untold story of the male species’ thinking. It’s a collection of stories of various women narrating their struggles in dating, sex, marriage and hooking up. Greg and Liz analyze their situation then in the latter part of the book they will explain their POV’s of how they are in a pathetic condition… ending each advice with he’s just not that into you because if he is… he will do this and do that and blah blah blah.

The thing is… I don’t generally agree with them. That’s how I remember now why I completely forgotten that I have read this book. Because, I don’t give my fondness and I considered this book as a humungous pile of bull shit. I am not Dr. Phil or Joe D’ Mango or Dra. Margie Homes. But I am sure that every guy or person has different personalities, characteristics or attitudes and that explain why they have different behaviors and responses in a certain situation. It doesn’t imply that every human being will commonly react in a situation because they are of the same gender.

Sometimes (I am trying not to sound cheesy and melodramatic) the feelings that we called LOVE rules the entire situation. No matter how clear and vulgar the rejection message is, the person who is deeply in love automatically shuts down all of his or her normal senses and hold on to the tiny hope that there will be a good future on it. And as I always remind myself everyday, it’s better to regret something you did than regretting something you don’t. *rolling eyes and drooling….*

The Ring...

This is just a follow up entry from the previous blog I wrote.... the one that I said that the boyfriend gave me an engagement ring and asked me to take him as my partner for the rest of our lives. Here's the photograph of the ring and the flowers... I know! It's perfect...

UPDATES: Be envious! (masaya ka na ha bentot!)

S-O-R-R-Y

“Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart…”

I know I probably rant about not having enough sleep because of how shitty my career stalks on me. But last night wasn’t exactly that kind of situation. Yesterday, I decided to be back with my old self. I mean being too lazy and spending the rest of the remaining waking hour watching TV and surfing the intranet.

I came across this site which I occasionally check every single fart of the day but last night was so strange… it pissed me off. But as much as I tried to think about what did I do… it came right to me that it was seriously my fault.

I know I am not one of the nicest people in this world. I probably threw in a couple of pranks or crap to anyone I met everyday. But the thing was I treasure friendship a lot. Friendship for me is sacred. It is like a holy grail that I will protect through my last breath. So when it comes to friend, no doubts… I am all hands down to it.

I knew I have said something or probably did something before you flew somewhere in East Asia. I was really in a bad shape at that time and I know that you know what happen and that needs no explanation. I also know that it’s not really a valid reason but you know how bad I am in dealing with situations like that. So that’s it…. As we talked last night, I knew that it wasn’t the normal conversation that we used to have. But anyway, seriously dude… our friendship means a lot to me. So, I am really sorry from the bottom of my heart.

Have fun there! And I would really appreciate the snow in the bottle for your pasalubong. I just hope it would reach my hand before it (UPDATES:)melts.(eto pa!)

one year down....

It’s been a week since I last tried writing about the things that happened to me. And until now, I still can’t figure out what to say or how to start. Last few weeks were adequatelys spectacular and I myself can’t even moved on from the vast happiness I felt inside.

See, the much awaited anniversary of the boyfriend and I had actually celebrated the day we decided to be together. Despite of the fucked up events that hindered our relationship… we made it though. The celebration wasn’t that fully romantic type (see: candlelight dinner in a fine dinning restaurant). The big day was celebrated in ENCHANTED KINGDOM.

Yes, ya’ll read it right. Two grown ups were actually celebrating their first year anniversary in the land of electric toys and amusement park…. And I LOOOOVVVEEEE every minute of it.

Indeed, the place was magical because the feelings we had for each other was unfathomable. I don’t know… maybe they are all right. LOVE IS LOVELIER THE SECOND TIME AROUND….

Trick or TREAT?!?

Its death week and everyone is going wacko on how to spend their Halloween. Both kids and adults are shedding extra efforts creating costumes for the Halloween shindigs and events. Everyone is really taking the Halloween spirit seriously while I, on the other hand, am enslaving my ass off working almost all day till late at night. I am not really whining about my tedious redundant career path because I somehow don’t care a t all.

Anyway, I was thinking of something nice to write about for my first entry. It’s Halloween so I must be writing about stuffs that mostly concern about this death week. Seriously, I don’t know much Halloween or neither dead one’s day because I don’t really celebrate it like normal people. I don’t have close dead relatives to visit on to in a cemetery and I don’t even have a chance to party along on any Halloween events. So basically, I don’t have anything to write about…

But since Halloween is a Trick or Treat day, which mostly takes place in the Western countries and now slowly inhabited by the Filipinos… I am going to write about one of the famous and commonly treats that will make any… yes! ANY human being, kids and adults, men or women, heterosexual or homosexual craves for… CHOCOLATES!

And to start the list of chocolates that I personally recommend to eat and 100% worth of gaining those fucking calories… lemme start of with;

Snickers

I personally looooovveeee these heavenly made sweets. Snickers are chewy, choco caramel filled with nuts chocolate bars and this is one of the oldest and popular in the chocolate world.

Cadbury Dairy Milk

Another king in the choco world is Cadbury. They have tons of flavors that will surely fit your taste. But since Dairy Milk grabs the taste buds of most people, it became a hit. They also launched their Cadbury Snaps which is like the chocolate version of Pringles and it tasted like sooooo damn fine. I don’t know if it is sold locally but if you want a bite just find your way to avail it in any Duty Free outlets… J

Hershey’s Kisses

Kisses is the face of any alpha male courting the one they love. Kisses gets along with Ferrero Rocher and Lindt. But of course any chocolates will do just as long as it came from the heart…. Awww

Hersheys M&M’s

The candy chocolates of all time! No one have ever turn their back at these mini sweets that will surely makes your bad day magically whooped into ass kickin moment. Just as the old time says, melts in your mouth… not in your hand.

Twix

Another God's hand made sweets. Chocolate covered biscuits with touch of chewy caramel inside a golden wrapped is like a gold bar inside a treasure's chest.

Godiva

Most of you might not hear about this chocolate or even taste it but I happened to experience tasting the most expensive chocolate. Well, of course, I didn’t buy it for myself because I am not dumb to shed my five gran for something that I probably consider not worthy of my precious and hard earned moohlah. YES! FIVE FUCKING GRAN FOR A SMALL BOX of sweets that taste like goya.

I know I could blog about how Obama should win over McCain or how the Philippine economy is perpetually sinking or on more cheesier part like writing about how I am doing now… but here I am typing away letters that describes the goodness of chocolates… this is not so fit to be my first issue but hell fucks! I am posting it anyway!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!