An Open Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart

Dear You,

It's been 15 days since the night you came over my place. It wasn't a great night for the both of us. I admitted I over react and my emotions clouded my judgement and refused to listen to your side. We weren't that far yet in terms of relationship years but I felt something different since the day I met you. You were a jolt of life to my dead heart. Our relationship, as quick as it may, was the highlight of my year. It was a roller coaster ride and a fuck fest of emotions.

And for the first time in 5 years, I never felt so alive. But then reality came. I have to choose if I can handle your erratic behavior; your punctuality; your mysterious personality. Maybe we jump too quick and forgot to know each other well. And so this happened.

I miss you so much. I tried hard not to; and I am still trying as of writing this. But everytime I see that green dot beside your social media account, I am battling 45 demons in my head not to send a message to you. Each time you texted me or send me IMs, I am fucking slitting my wrist not to give in.

We broke up because I decided that I need to love myself more. I never thought loving myself more is so much painful than loving you. Now I am so confused. I am un-effable. I wish things will be different...

Love,
Hannah

Looking Through the Eyes of A Clown

I carved a smile to hide my pain

and throw puns to remain sane

I live for my people's laughter

and tire myself with endless banter

But when the light goes out

and my face awashed

I looked at the mirror

and see a different person

Tormented by fate's insanity

crashed by someone else uncertainty

I harbor my tears to shelter my being

and cut my heart to numb my feelings

I scream in pain

But no one hears

I plead for help

but no one cares

I lost myself in the pool of gloominess

till nothing is left to end this weariness

my soul is stuck in this endless pit

and so I close my eyes as I end it...

MUNDONG PARISUKAT

sa mundong ka'y gulo
tayo ay pinagtagpo
mga mata'y nagkatama
ng hindi sinasadya

ang ating mga pusong sugatan
at mga matang luhaan
ay tanda ng ating kahapon
na hindi natin naiwasan

ngunit ng tayo'y nagkita na
ang hapdi ay di na ininda
sapagkat wala ng mahihiling pa
dahil tayo'y nagkasama na

sa ating bagong mundo
tayo lang ang magkasalo
sa apat na sulok nito
pag-ibig lang ang pupuno

sa saliw ng ating tugtugin
ang ibang mundo'y limutin
ikaw lang at ako
sa parisukat nating mundo

Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal! Vack with A Vengeance!

Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal returned to the stage for the 7^th time giving the audience a power-packed and breath taking performance from the leading actors and actresses of our generation. Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah was based on the comic book written by award winning contemporary writer Carlo Vergara and was given to life on stage by the legendary Chris Martinez and was directed by Chris Millado.

The story is about a gay beautician who lives a boring life in a barrio. His life changes when a magical pink rock falls down from heaven and hit him while he was taking a bath. Together with his sidekick Didi, also a homosexual, they discovered the hidden power of the magical pink rock and they fight the forces of evil. To make the whole thing short, the story is just any other typical fairy-tale about a super hero who saves humankind yet with a twist.

Eula Valdez played the role of Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah, the hero of the story. Ada becomes Zaturnnah every time he swallows the magical pink rock. Eula is a widely known actress in the big screen and Philippine TV. After being marked as the powerful Amor Powers in one of ABS-CBN soap opera, she was indeed awarded as a very promising serious actress in her generation. But surprisingly, she portrayed the role of Zaturnnah perfectly which was way beyond expected. I seriously couldn’t picture her out portraying the role of Zaturnnah because the whole dynamic of seriousness and edginess in her characters in the movie and television. Yet she did an awesome job, letting the audience felt and believed that she is a gay person trapped inside a superwoman’s body. Didi was played by Gabe Mercado which I wanted to commend for being the life of the whole play. His acting was brilliant and exemplary. He mostly gave punch lines that made the whole crowd laughed. Zaturnnah’s archenemy, Queen Fermina Suarestella Baroux was played by one of the nation’s pride stage actress, Pinky Amador. Needless to say, her performance was beyond outstanding. Of course, in every story there’s always the love interest. Ada/Zaturnnah’s object of affection was portrayed by Eula’s real life partner Rocky Salumbides. He might be casted among the veterans but still his portrayal in the role of Dodong wasn’t bad enough.

As I sat on my chair and watched the play, I realized something; this isn’t all about a funny story about homosexuals having super-powers. It is how our society is starting to embrace and appreciate the wonderful works of the third gender. Slowly, our culture is beginning to widen its belief about norms. The gay society have lifted their pride and proved to the whole humankind that they are not to be shelved in this world because just like all of us who can define our gender in an option boxes, they also can make wonders and amazing job that we can all be pompous of. To sum it all up, Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal! Vack With A Vengeance really deserves a standing ovation because they earned every bit of clamor and praise.

The Notebook; A Review

Nicholas Spark's The Notebook is a story of two hearts that conquered everything. They still found themselves holding on to their promise even on the very verge of breaking apart. Actually, I just read the book and to tell you the truth, I found it very unconvincing that it could happen in real life.

He said (yes, he's a guy for goodness sake) the story is really inspiring and it made him cry like a baby. It somehow touch his heart and made him realize that love could be so powerful and endless. And that made me disagree...

The Notebook is just one of those stories that people casually talk about at any time of the day. Yes, it is part of reality and there's nothing new to it. Yes, it will touch your heart and it will even make you cry. But in the end, you'll realize that it is not really new at all. As a matter of fact, this novel is so predictable that you'll get the whole point even if you're going halfway in your reading.

I already know stories that have protagonists just like them. A lot of these stories have characters who are totally in love but can't pursue their relationship because of their contrasting social statuses. Stories like these talk about the never ending tale of Romeo and Juliet. It even happens in real life. But the bottom line is, this story is made not to show the world how powerful love is, but to merely satisfy the hunger felt with those in the situation.

It is a defense mechanism for the real world. That's what I've learned in the novel which most of us didn't know. Two people from opposite realms can feel the magic of intimacy. But the question remains, how long can they handle it? Reality is so hard to accept because you've got to follow what the culture dictates you to do. You can't do anything about it because you belong to that race. Yes, you have options to choose; it's either do what you want, become happy but forever suffer for fleeting the law or go with the flow in the same river. We must know that the intellectual ability to perceive reality is a gift; the volatile power to choose is a right. This right from which man is responsible in the consequence of his choice.

I felt the urge of spilling my tears upon reading the novel, because I do feel pity for Noah and Ally. But the thing is, I know that there is a silver line that separates fantasy and reality. As for me, this novel is a fantasy and I am in reality. This is a supplement for those who want an assurance that love conquers all. They wanted to justify that love has no boundaries, that love knows no limitations and that love recognizes equality. But that happens only in novels, in movies, in fairy tales. We, on the other hand, are not Cinderella, and nor we are not Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan. We belong to the real world, meet real people and deal with real situations. We've got emotions but we have instincts. We've got feelings to follow but we are made to become rational beings. We can' force the society to believe that two people from different worlds can live happily ever after because of LOVE... that's a load of crap!

And if you recognize (for those who have read the book) in the latter part of the story.... The old Ally suffering from an Alzheimer's disease did recognize Noah, but after a minute, she drove Noah away and refused to be acquainted with him again. I think it is the author's way of explaining to the readers that their story is just a fantasy for us to feel good, but after reading the whole novel, we have to snap back to reality and go on living within the real world, embracing the bitter fact of realism.

At the end of the novel, I found myself wondering how they end up together as if everything's alright. It led me back to my understanding that this is just a novel. Not true and only a fiction, merely based on imagination.

Y Tu Mama Tambien; A Review

"Y Tu Mama Tambien" is a Spanish term which means, "And your mama, too". This art film is one of those Bildungsroman films that could begin or end with the phrase, "And my life was never the same again." The director, Alfonso Cuarón, works with a quicksilver fluidity. The movie is a mixture of sex, drama and a little comedy. The movie bagged awards in the best in foreign language category in Academy and Sundance.

The whole movie takes place in Mexico. It focuses on the two hormonally consumed teenage boys, Julio (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna), whose immature macho games seem more like baby steps when they meet Luisa (Maribel Verdú), a sad-eyed young woman who is married to Tenoch's older cousin. Tenoch and Julio come on to Luisa by promising her a tour of the wondrous but fictitious beach called Heaven's Mouth. In the end they do not only discover a paradise but a one of a kind experience that will shock their lives.

Y Tu Mama Tambien speaks about reality, all the things that are normally and usually happening in the real world. The movie talks about friendship and betrayal. Some secrets and lies are mostly about sexual betrayal, which is inevitable for juvenile characters that promise fidelity to their girlfriends and immediately try to get laid. The true meaning of friendship was established here in the movie.

Julio and Tenoch were best of friends since their childhood. They were inseparable and treated each other as brothers. Their journey with Luisa, was purely for fun and experience. And without their knowledge, the journey proved to be a test of their friendship, of how long can they keep each other's trust and loyalty. At the end of the movie, they had discovered that they weren't true and loyal. They ended up knowing that they had screwed their own girlfriends and themselves too.

Morality is an issue here. The film exposes explicit scenes, which is strictly for adults only. But what is good with Cuaron is, he exemplified every scene which explains why that scene is included. He did a flawless job in giving reasons why they had to include breast exposure and three some sexual intercourse.

Oftentimes, morality and hypocrisy are connected. And if that's the case, viewing this film is not suitable for you. Y Tu Mama Tambien is a story that mirrors the real situation that is actually happening in the real world. And that includes betrayal, sex, violence and even death. We must admit to the fact that life is not always happy ending. It's not always "tweetums" moments where in a guy kisses a girl on the cheeks and they will look away and giggle as if they were contented. Viewing this movie with a shallow mind will only judge it by saying, "this is an X-rated film". Though I agree that it is not suitable for minors because they are too young to understand. It is not easy to shift fairy tales to reality, as it is not easy to explain what could be the next thing that will happen after Cinderella and her Prince Charming's wedding day.

I must admit that this movie is not advisable to be watched by the whole family. It is not a movie to be seen while snacking on popcorn. It is definitely not for kids and even adults who think like 4-year old brats. This movie needs an open-minded viewers who will percieve it as a sensible film and not for pleasuring purposes. The story is so easy to understand, actually the plot isn't much of a Da Vinci Code that you have to decode every single thing just to get the picture. It is easy to get along with the story.

The movie defies the invisible line separating the shallow progressions of the childish upper-middle class teenagers, to the stricken betrayed wife of a upper-middle class man.

In the horizon of a decaying improvised countryside, beside the decaying wife, the blindness of ignorance and lack of compassion of these teenagers to the plight of those around them was rather shocking.

The denunciation of status division, which is so rampant in Mexico today, shines clearly through the main characters. As they drive through the improvised countryside, the woman seeking her gleaming destination, the callous teenagers seeking nothing but worldly pleasure because they are blinded by their lust and lives of comfort.

Yet, this movie seems to state the ignorance and crudeness of the upper class, and the frailty of betrayal. There is no happy ending in the midst of this lustful existential benightedness, merely the fateful expected ending.

For the teenagers, the journey is a mere pleasure trip. There is no coming of age - for there is no consequences or responsibility or retribution for them. In the last scene where they meet, there is merely their own private shame and denial. And for the woman, in her weakness, driven to tragedy, there is only one ending… Death!

Do I recommend this film? Absolutely yes. It might not be a super budgeted movie but this is worth watching for.

Now, what the hell I'm trying to imply... I don't know it's just that I am so bored after I scanned my mails and found out that it was full of messages from a friend of mine I met in Fling.Com (the one I'm talking about in my previous entry)... I watched the film, somehow touched by it and now I am sharing my thoughts here in my blog.... Anyway.. that's it.. CIAO!

Puge Memoirs

Pictures posted on my wall

Splendid times and happy days

Never fading bull shits and craps

Joke times and fun

Hell yes! I miss you guys...

Our beer days and ice cream time

We start our day at night

Till sunrise shines at us

It never fails to make me laugh

When Egwin starts to whine at us

It makes my heart twirl in joy

When Rikki and Toby crack their joke

Jay's occasional tantrums make our day

Pepe's Lucena-accent charms our night

And try not to find where Athley is…

He’s probably asleep somewhere here

And when the animator king joins our team

Make way cause Rod is here…

And there it goes the royal jugglers

Chase chase before Jose and Ferdz drinks their shot

Misch will curse the envious

While NAVCC’s came flying away from Anjsh

Now the end is near…

Shut your ears… coz Gerard will sing…

Now we are apart and distance might ruin us

Keep in mind the bond we had

Note this line coz I might not recur

Uwi na kayo… kailangan namin kayo dito sila hindi…

5 Minutes

Reminiscing the times I am still with you:

I love the way you hold my hands
Even after you made me cry
I love the way you kissed me goodnight
After a long and weary fight
You can carved a frown on my face
Then put a smile back in place
You can break my heart on Monday
and make it up on Tuesday
I am not afraid to close my eyes
when moonlight reaches the skies
For I know you are just there
Loving me even better
I gave my whole life to you
waiting for the moment to say.. "I DO"
Meaningless to say I LOVE YOU
if you won't be here to say I LOVE YOU TOO...