The Real Story

I arrived at Big Sky at around 10 in the evening. It wasn't usual after Dave and I broke up some months ago. Yes, the rumors are true. It was an on and off relationship due to infidelity and treachery from Dave's side. However, that night was different. I arrived at the bar a little earlier because I want to eat dinner first.

Paul immediately approached me as I stepped foot at the Sky's door. He said, "Kilala mo yung nasa bar?".

Hindi, bakit sino ba yun?, I replied

When I turned around I saw her. The girlfriend. I immediately asked Paul if I should go instead of staying. Paul only replied, "Ikaw".

I decided not to go because it will only raised eyebrows if I go abruptly. Paul also mentioned that another one of Dave's girl is coming. It was uncomfortable for me. I only said, "Ano sabay sabay na naman kami?"

I chugged down one bottle of Pale Pilsen in like 5 minutes. In an empty stomach, the alcohol kick in. I looked at the tab and my name wasn't written correctly. I asked Dave and he only smiled back. It was kind of insulting but I remained calm. And then I heard him saying, "Wala eh pogi problems..." referring to the situation where I (the ex), the girlfriend and the present fling will be at the same place at the same time.

It was the last straw for me.

I saw Dave walked out of the Bar and headed to Mcdo. It was my only chance. I don't want to confront him inside Sky to avoid scandal so I followed him. When I am sure that we were out of eyesight, I asked Dave, "So dadating pa nga ba yung isa? Ano sabay sabay na naman kami? Nambabastos ka ba?'

Dave replied with an annoying smile.

"What the fuck Dave?! Hindi mo na ako binigyan ng kahihiyan. After mong ipagkalat ang nangyari sa atin ipagmamalaki mo pa na ang dami namin. Ano kasi ang pogi pogi mo? Gustong gusto mo yan eh. Pinagsabihan ka na ni boss. Ayaw mo pa rin tumigil."

Dave said, "Wag kang gumawa ng eskandalo dito..."

I said, "Hindi ako gumagawa ng eskandalo. Pero hinihiya mo na ako eh... Fuck you Dave! Fuck You!

And then all the anger that I managed to pushed down through all these months suddenly burst out. I slapped Dave on the face so hard he backed down.

"Hindi ka titigil hanggat hindi ka nagtatanda. Tama na. This has to stop!", I said.

 I run back to Big Sky while Dave followed me.

"Sorry na, patawarin mo na ako. Hindi na ako uulit. Please na patawarin mo na ako. Luluhod ako sa harap mo. Kasalanan ko to. Patawarin mo ako", Dave pleaded.

I ignored him. Instead I walked back to the bar pretending nothing happen.

I sat beside Jensen. The guy wasn't aware of the situation. I chugged another gulp of my Pale and sat beside Junees. I said, "Hi, can we talk outside?"

Junees and I walked outside. At the back of La Creperie. Rommel saw us and he tried to stop me. Thinking I will create a commotion. I said, "No Rommel, let me do this. She deserved to know..." Rommel, walked away.

"Ikaw ba yung girlfriend ni Dave?", I asked

"Opo, bakit?", Junees replied.

"Payo lang from girl to a girl, dalas dalasan mo ang punta dito.", I said and then I walked back to the bar.

I didn't know what happened after that. All I know was, Junees walked out together with her two friends. Dave tried to stop her but it didn't worked out.

I thought everything is done. Until I saw Junees friends outside the bar. They both approached me.

"Mam, pwede po ba kayong makausap?, they said.

"Oo naman. Pero wag dito. Maraming mata. Punta tayo sa bahay ko...", I said

Junees, her two friends and I went to my house.

Junees wanted proof. I showed her proof. I told her I am sorry. I didn't know that Dave has a girlfriend at first. And when I found out, it was too late. I told her I made Dave chose between her and I; Dave chose her. That's why we broke up. Dave told me you guys broke up that is why I came back. When I found out that it wasn't true, I broke up with him again. Dave fooled me. I am so sorry.

Junees and I somehow patched things up. I told her that if she really loves Dave, go and fight for it at all cost. But I won't be around anymore. I would like to stay away from them as much as possible. I will no longer be the "third" party anymore.


AND THAT IS THE WHOLE STORY FOLKS...

An Open Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart

Dear You,

It's been 15 days since the night you came over my place. It wasn't a great night for the both of us. I admitted I over react and my emotions clouded my judgement and refused to listen to your side. We weren't that far yet in terms of relationship years but I felt something different since the day I met you. You were a jolt of life to my dead heart. Our relationship, as quick as it may, was the highlight of my year. It was a roller coaster ride and a fuck fest of emotions.

And for the first time in 5 years, I never felt so alive. But then reality came. I have to choose if I can handle your erratic behavior; your punctuality; your mysterious personality. Maybe we jump too quick and forgot to know each other well. And so this happened.

I miss you so much. I tried hard not to; and I am still trying as of writing this. But everytime I see that green dot beside your social media account, I am battling 45 demons in my head not to send a message to you. Each time you texted me or send me IMs, I am fucking slitting my wrist not to give in.

We broke up because I decided that I need to love myself more. I never thought loving myself more is so much painful than loving you. Now I am so confused. I am un-effable. I wish things will be different...

Love,
Hannah

The Year 2016

I started this year with a glimmering and humongous ball of hope that 2016 will definitely be my year. But my oh my, it's not. And here's how:

The Failed Promotion

I've been in this company for quite a while and I can say that my work is exemplary. I am not bragging but my achievements can speak for itself. I spent most of my waking hour in the office to the point that I always put my "DQMR" hat above everything else; that includes, my family, my friends and my health. There was a brief moment when my dogs would bark at me because I am not home most of the time and they couldn't recognized me anymore. I am always sick. Often my illness is due to over fatigue or lack of sleep (but I still go to work). My Mom and Dad called it quits after a 29 years of relationship and I wasn't even home for it because I am at work. Worst of all, I told them that they can sort their shit without me because I have no time because I have an audit to prepare for. In short, my personal and health life is falling apart because I am too busy making my boss proud of me. So with that in mind, I humbly asked my superiors if they can spare a little of their time to review my performance and consider promoting me.


It was a favorable response but it didn't push through. Maybe I am not good enough yet. So failed!


The Heart Break

I am, for lack of better term, "heartless" ever since my heart was stumped and crippled by a monster back in 2011. Suffice to say, I veered away from any romantic and emotional attachment because I was that damaged. But before the end of 2015, my close friends and I decided that maybe it is time for me to get back in the horse. Normally, my game is to just wait for my desired guy to fall in love with me. I am that insecure. Contrary to others belief, I am actually shy at this kind of things. I don't do bold moves to win a man.


However, this year, I changed my game. Somebody convinced me that I am not young anymore and that I need to be a bit more aggressive in claiming what I want. So I mustered all the courage I can get and decided to make the first move. I fuckin' rehearse my line for 2 weeks just to make it perfect. To cut the story short, I professed my feelings and got sucker punched in the end. Though I got an "I'm sorry-I-don't-feel-the-same-way" hug from him before we part ways. So failed!


The Good Daughter

 Four years after the separation, I am still not used to spending two Christmases and New Years to two different houses (too much carbs, y'all). But I can live with that. What fuckin disgusted me this year was the fact that I have to deal with incessant and unnecessarily household dramas from my relatives. But because I am the "good apo", I need to be okay with them making my world uncomfortable to live with. So failed!


The Half-Faced Freeze

To put cherry on top of my awesome year, because I am too neglectful of my own health (because of the shitload of to do list in my bucket) my face kind of froze, literally. I encountered a viral infection which resulted to bell's palsy. It is a syndrome where my face muscles decided to commit harakiri. I have to undergo therapy and medicines just to wiped that "ngiwi" smile on my face. I sound funny while writing this but fuck it's not. I am constantly drooling. I can't drink without spilling. I can't close my right eye; so I need to put tape in it every night before I can go to sleep. I need to put lubrication in my eye because I can't blink. If I don't, I will go blind. So yeah failed!


Cooper

However despite the odds, I will not end my year with me not having the promotion I deserve; with me not winning the heart of the man I loved; with me not having a fair share of comfortable household; with me not moving my half face -- because I am that stubborn. I refused to end this year with negativity and failed goals.

I FUCKIN BOUGHT MY FIRST CAR!

Some say, it is financial suicide. But HELL NO! I am breaking my misfortune by snatching the wheel back to my hand. I bought this car for two reasons; first is to crossed it off my bucket list and second is to deliver a statement. A statement that says-- PAKYU Universe! I will not let your negativity control my life. This is me refusing to accept defeat. This is me standing up for 2016 and give myself a little pat on the back for unlocking one of the major entry in my bucket list. Because when I grow old and I was asked what is my memory of 2016; the one thing I will remember is--- 2016 is the year I purchased my first car which I named, Cooper.