The Azkaban; The Tale of an Unhappy Soul

Three months ago I started working in Azkaban. It was a magical prison cell where compassion and self-worth is hard to justify and every moment you spend inside feels like eternity. The minute you set your foot on the ground, you can’t wait to take your step back. The Dementors will suck the happiness out of your system and fills it with misery and despair. So when it’s time to get out, you became susceptible to all kinds of pain resulting to emotional wreckage. Yet somehow, though wounded by despair, I still find reasons not to quit.

And now that everything is pretty much routine at Azkaban, I get a little bit comfortable with my new schedule and my prison mates. Though there are still boundaries that we haven’t cross yet, I feel less worried and more confident. But just as I am about to get too comfortable with how things develop, I received a very frustrating news coming from the Order. I am not really sure if I am allowed to discuss it here in the internet so I will not go with the exact details.

It was really frustrating and sad. I spent half an hour hiding inside the Room of Requirement and just cried my eyes out. I can’t find any damn excuse to pat myself at the back to shoo the feelings away. My brains went to overdrive imagining every possible vengeance I could do but in the end, I fixed myself up, let go of a long sigh and went back to work. My eyes were so puffy and my nose was so red from crying. I disregarded my shattered self as I talked to the Order and pretend that I am OK.

When I decided to go back to the corporate world, I open myself up to the possibilities of getting hurt again. I knew that I might end up with another company similar to The Empire. But I just can’t tolerate the stinking truth behind this world called CORPORATE. Behind the fame, power, money and glamour is a rotten ideology. I am happy; in fact, ecstatic with what I am doing there. That is why I never complain if I have to extend my working hours or even do extra work that is beyond my scope. I can say with absolute honesty that I have no regrets in exerting my best effort.

However, upon thinking it through, is it worth it? After learning the “news” from the Order, I feel like I was casted into twilight and thrown back to The Empire jack-assery all over again. It’s painful yet I have to deal with it every-fucking-day.

It’s a travesty and it’s hopeless. And even Harry Potter and his magic wand couldn’t ease even a nip of pain I am feeling right now. After all these years of staying in this world, I just couldn't be like them; like The Order or The Empire. Maybe, just maybe... I am not fit to be in this world. I just wish that I can stay sane, up until my contract ends.