Internal Renovation

Para akong kumakausap sa pader kapag sinasabihan kita… Makinig ka naman. Hindi ka kasi marunong makinig eh… -the crimson_abstract

The very same friend who taught me that the trick is to not care had just loosen up his nuts and pour out all of his emotion (which I thought he wasn’t designed to have one) most of it was anger last week. It’s been five days of never ending talk about how I continue to dismantle the whole idea of morality and adultery in my life. It was a whole week of brutal conversation of how I continue to disrespect my values and myself. No holds barred. All cards out. No hard feelings. In the end, I accepted…. I was wrong.

“I always forget how to become a rational human being whenever I am with him… I can’t help it! He brings out the devil in me….”

Like any other normal conversation we had for the past three years of friendship. That particular conversation became bizarre however it was expected nevertheless it wasn’t worthless. The issue wasn’t new at all. It was the very same dilemma that I ran away from two years ago. Now, my worst fear had just immersed from reality. And to make it worst, I dug it too deep that is why my nose is in shit now.

But this time… I was forced to listen because I demand for changes and serenity. Yes! I myself wanted to refurnished my shiteous condition and ask for my friend’s opinion on how to start anew. Now the letting go and moving on period is slowly taking in place. The re-installment of values insinuated to me will come next. The renovation of my shattered self will follow. I bet to myself… in six months, I will reborn as a new person, physically, emotionally and mentally.

This is not a matter of choice. I let my heart lead the way but I got lost. Now my brain has to take over to take me back to the right path. It’s now… or never.