I know it’s been quite awhile since I last updated this
site. I maybe busy on a lot of stuffs and my work load is quite a handful than
the normal usual but I think it is not reason enough. Lately, I’ve been trying
to find that “inspiration” that usually fuels my being into writing my shit.
Hell, I am so distracted lately that I couldn’t even produce a substantial-single-liner
rant on Facebook or Twitter. Everyday I feel like the writer in me have
officially abandoned me for good. It really annoys me to fathom that idea
because this has been my bread and butter ever since I got out of College.
I am a writer. That is one absolute fact that I wanted to
retain in my not-so-fulfilling career life. In my tombstone, it will read: A
loving a daughter, a faithful friend, a writer in heart and soul. The process
of keying in my thoughts has been my avenue in releasing what I wanted to tell.
I am not really a talker. Most people do not know this but most of my mouthed
words are just bunch of nonsense fact about random stuffs. It is just my way to
cover the fact that I am really a boring person. The real problem is my brain
thinks faster than my mouth. It’s just my obnoxious way of explaining that I
over think too much. So I need to process and masticate every single bit of information
in my head before releasing it with my mouth. You can’t do that in a
conversation because it will only make you look like a retard.
However, I lived in the world where verbal communication is
important, so in order for me to live according to what society dictates me to
do, I often begin and end my conversations with other people with a pun. In
that way, they will not take my strong words too seriously. When I am alone, I
think of random scenarios that can possibly happen in my daily interaction with
fellow human beings and practice. Yes! I need to practice how will I converse,
react or simply respond in order for me to look like a normal person when I am
with them. Sometimes, I portrayed the shallow role in the group. So they wouldn’t
expect my verbal ideas to be informative or substantial. No pressure for me,
absolute entertainment for them. It’s a win-win situation. EH?!
I looked at myself as an extra-ordinary human being. Not in
a good way. I have bipolar attributes that even I couldn’t cope up. My opinions
on certain things are not always intertwined and maybe that’s the reason why I
couldn’t put my shit together. I consider myself a socio-path and I believed I
am mentally challenged. I don’t blame anyone why I was raised like this. I
think it’s a choice. There’s only a finite number of information that a human
brain can store and it is our choice whether what to retain or what’s not. I chose
the other way- the way where most people don’t consider normal. I really can’t
understand why but if ever I did, it doesn’t really matter to anyone, or does
it?
The title of this blog is merely a disclaimer to what is
really expected from this article. No flow. No substance. No reasons at all. So
if you are still with me at this point, you deserve a pat on your back or a
free visit to my psychiatrist because you may not realize it but maybe we are
cut out from the same cloth. You know, just sayin.
