My primal reason for taking Journalism in college is the
fact that I want to become a journalist. I wanted to expose the truth. I wanted
to ensure check and balance for the greater good. But as I walk through the
journey of being in the media (I have enough exposure since I studied at a
school that has its own broadsheet) I realized that I am not only digging my
grave deep but I am actually walking towards my death. There’s too much dirt
and “under the table” shenanigans. Not to mention, the financial stability is
at stake. And so I opted for another route.
I used to have an opinion on all things. I am not good at
verbal confrontation or debate; (I suck at it, really) that is why I have a
blog to air out my thoughts when I decided to abandon the journalistic career.
I was very brave back then. Maybe because when we are young, we tend to feel
that we can own the world. Our balls are bigger as the boulder chasing Indiana
Jones. We have this unknown force raising our fearless level to max. Also, we
have enough supply of energy to do what we want to do. Our glands are
overflowing with hormones, making us forget about the repercussions of our
actions. But as we grow old, life will smack our face with a cold hard truth;
that having an opinion will just get you killed.
But the hunger to broadcast the truth is still in my system.
I can not just abandon the ethics I learned from my mentors just because I
chose not to hold on to my Press ID. So from time to time I dip my toes to some
social news or simply airing out my opinion whether social or personal in my
social media accounts. I got burned a lot of times. But difference between then
and now is when my opinionated-bitchy mouth gets me into to trouble; I fight
back in with utmost indignation because I know for sure that I am from the
right side. But now, I’d crawl back to my lair like a full-grown coward while
nursing the wounds of people that got offended from my written thoughts.
I don’t have that fierce in me anymore. I used to be tough
and I don’t get easily intimidated. But life happens when you start to think of
others welfare too. You will start to fear for your life not because you are
scared to die but you are afraid if the consequences will bring pain (physical
or emotional) to your loved ones. You tend to care for that other person more
than you think of your own beliefs and what-not. So instead of fighting for
what you think is right based on your perception or principles, I am forced to
shut up.
Having an opinion and exercising your freedom of speech is
overrated because every human has a different mindset and beliefs. And if you
point out your opinion, chances are somebody will going to feel affronted. And
if that person has a power over you; it can be very ugly and painful.
So going back to the question Bayan o Sarili? This pretty much sums it up. I am not Ahron Villaflor's character, Joven in Heneral Luna who will still expose the truth despite the ear and hand injury he got from the war.
