Blame It On the Money...

It’s been a great week… at least not for me. This whole week marks the end of another futile friendship that I nurtured for more than five years. Yes, the friendship is pointless and it was rather shocking on my part considering that I’ve tried exerting effort on it. (That I don’t usually do…) But it got fucked up and now… we’re done.

What makes it really really shameful is the reason behind the “big fight”. That person ruptured one rule of friendship…. MONEY! I know it sucks. So the following morning I packed my office things and moved out from the cubicleville where that person resides in too. It was a drastic move and I knew that from the moment I started packing my things… all eyes and ears are on me. Now, they are making fun of the situation and that person became the new office big joke. I felt bad for that person but everything is just so effin wrong. I tried rationalizing the issue so I could revive the friendship back. But how can you forgive someone who‘s not even asking for forgiveness? You can’t see any trace of remorse on that person’s face. And with some occasional angry glance and raising eyebrows (and yes this is a little exaggeration), I just decided that from this on and forward… I wouldn’t even give a damn care. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just another petal that fell down from my garden of friends. (ehehehe…)

Come next Friday… there will be a grand poker night. It will be a night of booze, foods and party people. Everyone will enjoy the night… except me. I know it would be fun but it wouldn’t be that amusing if you knew that after that night… things will be A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME. However, I know things are meant to happen and I am hoping that it would be the best for everyone.

Pero bwisit ka pa rin… Pero goodluck!

Puge Memoirs

Pictures posted on my wall

Splendid times and happy days

Never fading bull shits and craps

Joke times and fun

Hell yes! I miss you guys...

Our beer days and ice cream time

We start our day at night

Till sunrise shines at us

It never fails to make me laugh

When Egwin starts to whine at us

It makes my heart twirl in joy

When Rikki and Toby crack their joke

Jay's occasional tantrums make our day

Pepe's Lucena-accent charms our night

And try not to find where Athley is…

He’s probably asleep somewhere here

And when the animator king joins our team

Make way cause Rod is here…

And there it goes the royal jugglers

Chase chase before Jose and Ferdz drinks their shot

Misch will curse the envious

While NAVCC’s came flying away from Anjsh

Now the end is near…

Shut your ears… coz Gerard will sing…

Now we are apart and distance might ruin us

Keep in mind the bond we had

Note this line coz I might not recur

Uwi na kayo… kailangan namin kayo dito sila hindi…

Internal Renovation

Para akong kumakausap sa pader kapag sinasabihan kita… Makinig ka naman. Hindi ka kasi marunong makinig eh… -the crimson_abstract

The very same friend who taught me that the trick is to not care had just loosen up his nuts and pour out all of his emotion (which I thought he wasn’t designed to have one) most of it was anger last week. It’s been five days of never ending talk about how I continue to dismantle the whole idea of morality and adultery in my life. It was a whole week of brutal conversation of how I continue to disrespect my values and myself. No holds barred. All cards out. No hard feelings. In the end, I accepted…. I was wrong.

“I always forget how to become a rational human being whenever I am with him… I can’t help it! He brings out the devil in me….”

Like any other normal conversation we had for the past three years of friendship. That particular conversation became bizarre however it was expected nevertheless it wasn’t worthless. The issue wasn’t new at all. It was the very same dilemma that I ran away from two years ago. Now, my worst fear had just immersed from reality. And to make it worst, I dug it too deep that is why my nose is in shit now.

But this time… I was forced to listen because I demand for changes and serenity. Yes! I myself wanted to refurnished my shiteous condition and ask for my friend’s opinion on how to start anew. Now the letting go and moving on period is slowly taking in place. The re-installment of values insinuated to me will come next. The renovation of my shattered self will follow. I bet to myself… in six months, I will reborn as a new person, physically, emotionally and mentally.

This is not a matter of choice. I let my heart lead the way but I got lost. Now my brain has to take over to take me back to the right path. It’s now… or never.

Old Good Times...

I’ve been checking the old files waaay back in time when I am still earning my cash as a full time filth writer. I came across an old post from my Babe’s multiply site. At 3 am I am laughing like a hyena while reading it.

When: 3 years ago (2006)

Where: Iwebmasters 5^th Floor Tycoon Building

What: Kalokohan ng mga Puge

Read and laugh with me….

****

This is Riki's Idea dahil sa blog ni hannah - http://eveangel20.multiply.com/journal/item/41/Re-mumbling_of_thoughts_bloopers_and_craps

Part 1 - First Impression from Webdate team

Benny!: akala ko matino, pero may topak pala.

Benny!: as in, TOPAK pare...

anjsh lacanlale: yun lang?

Benny!: ah mahaba ba dapat? teka...

anjsh lacanlale: para mas masaya

Benny!: akala ko matino si hannah, kasi pagkatapos magtrabaho, aayusin niya yung friendster nya. pero hindiiiiiii...nalaman ko na lang tumatawa siya mag-isa ng walang dahilan, nangangagat ng braso, bigla na lang kakanta at sasayaw. astig...

Benny!: ok na?

anjsh lacanlale: amf muntik na ko mabulunan sa iniinom kong kape na walang lasa

Benny!: naku sory naman.

Benny!: baguhin ko kung gusto mo.

anjsh lacanlale: ok na yan

Benny!: yaaaaan...

******************************

Rene Cruz: ummm... nung una ko siyang nakilala tahimik lang siya e.

Rene Cruz: parang mature ba.

Rene Cruz: mali ako.

anjsh lacanlale: lahat pde sabihin

Rene Cruz: ha?

anjsh lacanlale: wala ka na idadagdag??

Rene Cruz: yun lang yung first impression ko e.

Rene Cruz: para saan yan?

anjsh lacanlale: blog collections of first impression kay hannah

anjsh lacanlale: idea ni riki

Rene Cruz: ah.

anjsh lacanlale: dahil dun sa sinulat nya

Rene Cruz: oo nga, nabasa ko rin

******************************

Gil-iWeb: I thought she was already 29 years old when I first saw her, lo and behold mas matanda pa pala ako sa kanya hehehe. ; )

******************************

Renzy-iWeb: hannah - she looks gregarious

******************************

Rhae-iWeb: isa siyang drama queen

******************************

Paeng(ster)-iWeb: hannah: kwela ang first impression ko eh. tapos bigla akong nakwentuhan tungkol sa lovelife... since then naging emo na tingin ko... eh mali nanaman... praning lang pala talaga... hahahaha

******************************

pbalingit: maingay

anjsh lacanlale: wala na??

anjsh lacanlale: kahit ano pde sabihin

pbalingit: ano to survey???

pbalingit: wait lang

anjsh lacanlale: collections of first impression kay hannah

pbalingit: actually yung totoong first impression ko sa kanya suplada at maarte

anjsh lacanlale: haha lagot ka!

pbalingit: eh yun talaga eh...

anjsh lacanlale: haha

anjsh lacanlale: ok ty

******************************

tinalee3383 : Eto na nga eh! paki-cpoy paste na lang kung ila-live ha?

When she came in the first thing I thought was, hhmmmm bihis na bihis (She's wearing a baby tee, a fluffy skirt, full make-up, and you can smell her from a mile away) at tahimik. She smiled and I don't remember kung we were introduced by one of the guys all I know is that lima lang kami nun. Hannah, Gil, ako, Benny and Paeng. Tahimik, I kept thinking of a very good ice breaker so she wouldn't feel out-of-place or something. I looked at her (she was sitting beside me) said "nyar,nyar" to make her loosen up a bit

Then yung ngang nagkakape ko wala akong stirrer, so I used my G-Tec pen and said "Hannah, don't judge me for this ha"

What I found out is then are:You are a great friend, a good person, may be a little naive but a cool girl to hang out with. And a great comedian pa!

I kept thinking about this little banter we had a long time ago. I was thinking of making a blog about it two nights ago but I think it's better kung dito ko na lang muna unang sasabihin. Eto yun:

Tina: May lisp ka no?
Hannah: Lisp?
Tina: Sabihin mo nga Ess?
Hannah: Essth
Tina: Yun, meron
Hannah: Huh? (looked confused) Essth? Wala kaya akong lisp!
Tina: Tanga meron
Hannah: Wala kaya!
Tina: Ay, putangina ang kulet! Kung wala kang lisp, sabihin mo mga "She sells seashells by the sea shore"?!
(5 seconds of silence)

Hannah: Ayoko nga di ko kaya.
(Laughter)
Tina: Lisp, pare. Lisp.

Anyways, of all the girls na umalis I think si Hannah ang pinaka-nalungkot ako. She knows it too. Hay, I miss you pa rin ng malufet. Malulungkot ako kasi aalis na rin yung isa pa jan, hmft. Things will never been the same again. And I mean it when I say, thanks :D I Love you po! Muah!

So itoh lang nakuha ko from webdate team.

Collections of First Impression - Part 2 - iWeb ofismates

anjsh lacanlale: kilala mo si hannah di ba?? ano first impression mo sa kanya?

Japol 69: ?

anjsh lacanlale: gagawa lang ako ng blog. idea ni riki to

anjsh lacanlale: dahil dun sa ginawang blog ni hannah

Japol 69: asan?

anjsh lacanlale: may multiply ka ba dyan?

Japol 69: uu... my proxy ako eh proxy

anjsh lacanlale: http://eveangel20.multiply.com/journal/item/41/Re-mumbling_of_thoughts_bloopers_and_craps

Japol 69: haha

Japol 69: naisip ko na naiisip no ricky

anjsh lacanlale: ayan kaya naisipan ni riki mangolekta ng first impression natin kay hanah

anjsh lacanlale: kasi naalala nya yung unang sinabi ni onat nung nasa antel palang tayo

Japol 69: ?

anjsh lacanlale: yung nakasuot si hannah ng mini skirt saka naka leggings at chucks

Japol 69: haha.. potek... naalala ko yun..

anjsh lacanlale: sabi ni onat bibigyan nya daw ng heels si hannah

Japol 69: ayoko magsalita ng masama sa kanya. di kme close eh

anjsh lacanlale: hahaha

anjsh lacanlale: ok lang wala na sya dito

anjsh lacanlale: saka di sya magagalit

Japol 69: kila lui, lou, noel ka magtanong... nakow!

Japol 69: dame sasabihin non

anjsh lacanlale: kasi wala ng lalala sa comment ni rikki

Japol 69: anu ba comment nya?

anjsh lacanlale: wala pa.

anjsh lacanlale: pero expected na nya na comment ni rikki pinaka malala

Japol 69: haha... hmmm.. sabay sila pauwi di ba?

anjsh lacanlale: uu

Japol 69: siguro enjoy sya everytime na naka skirt si hanah at sumabay sa kanya

Japol 69: haha

anjsh lacanlale: kayo ha may secret kayo!

Japol 69: haha

***************************************************

anjsh lacanlale: knock knock

r buigsRica Espiritu: ya?

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah?

r buigsRica Espiritu: huh?

r buigsRica Espiritu: why?

anjsh lacanlale: http://anjsh.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Collections_of_First_Impression_-_Part_1

r buigsRica Espiritu: langya....survey ba....lol

r buigsRica Espiritu: ano yan...parte ng census?

r buigsRica Espiritu: paano yan? ala akong impression kay hannah

anjsh lacanlale: hahaha

anjsh lacanlale: nung first time mo sya makatabi sa antel

r buigsRica Espiritu: er.........tahimik....

anjsh lacanlale: hehe dahil pareho kaung may nararamdaman sa pwesto nyo

r buigsRica Espiritu: hanggang ngayon naman tahimik e....pag wala si hannah

r buigsRica Espiritu: hehehehehehehe malay ko ba na sensitive sya noh

***************************************************

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah?

iLa brady: makulit, madaldal

anjsh lacanlale: hehe

anjsh lacanlale: ty

iLa brady: np

***************************************************

anjsh lacanlale: oist

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah?

zac_wolf: ye

zac_wolf: bata

anjsh lacanlale: hehe

anjsh lacanlale: si louie tanong mo

anjsh lacanlale: http://anjsh.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Collections_of_First_Impression_-_Part_1

zac_wolf: first impression...wala...basta isinayaw ko lang sya sa dance floor..tuwang tuwa naman ang loka...ndi ko matandaan kung yun ang unang kita ko kay hannah...lam ko ndi...sure akong ndi ko lang sya dun unang nakita...

anjsh lacanlale: sau ba galing yan??

zac_wolf: uu

anjsh lacanlale: si louie ask mo rin

zac_wolf: 'matabait?!' daw

zac_wolf: aus?

***************************************************

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah?

dong soleta: ...?

dong soleta: cOol

anjsh lacanlale: ok. ty

dong soleta: hehe

***************************************************

BluewireAngie (5:10 AM): ano first impression mo kay hannah?

calvo (5:14 AM): matino kausap. may pagka-isnabera.

BluewireAngie (5:15 AM): naks!

***************************************************

BluewireAngie (1:19 AM): ano na first impression mo kay hannah?

Brandon (4:40 AM): friendly?

BluewireAngie (4:40 AM): bat may question mark?

Brandon (4:41 AM): ah ok friendly

BluewireAngie (4:41 AM): hehe

BluewireAngie (4:41 AM): ty

Collections of First Impression - Part 3 - Tropang PUGE

Itoh na ang malalang Impression!

anjsh lacanlale: ano maibibigay mong first impression kay hannah??

athley glori: cool saka game sa lahat ng gimik

*************************************

Rodolfo Tinapay: mabait

anjsh lacanlale: play safe?

Rodolfo Tinapay: di nga

Rodolfo Tinapay: totoo

Rodolfo Tinapay: sabhin mo akala ko dati hr cya

Rodolfo Tinapay: ng iweb

anjsh lacanlale: hehe.. ok

*************************************

Jeff Forneste: mamuy

anjsh lacanlale: amfff

Jeff Forneste: wla wla ako impression

Jeff Forneste: suplado ako eh

anjsh lacanlale: ang arte mo ha

Jeff Forneste: wla nga.. dko kya pnpansin un

Jeff Forneste: nging tropa lng

anjsh lacanlale: bilis na

Jeff Forneste: aba wla nga

anjsh lacanlale: fine

*************************************

jay_acab: baboy

anjsh lacanlale: talagang ganun?

jay_acab: joke lng kanina pa ko kinukulit nyan eh

anjsh lacanlale: hahaha

anjsh lacanlale: bilis na..

jay_acab: sexy. joke

anjsh lacanlale: idea ni riki to pang sagot dun sa blog na sinulat nya

jay_acab: hog cholera

anjsh lacanlale: amfff

anjsh lacanlale: first impression tinatanong ko

anjsh lacanlale: http://eveangel20.multiply.com/journal

anjsh lacanlale: Sino ang pikon amfff

*************************************

anjsh lacanlale: ano na first impresssion mo kay hannah?

Ricky: jolinang mataba

Ricky: hehehe

Ricky: ang weird kc ng porma

Ricky: hehehe

Ricky: tska mukhang matrona,wehehehe

anjsh lacanlale: amff

*************************************

anjsh lacanlale: gising

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah

BUZZ!!!

Jay Lastname: cute

Jay Lastname: lmao

*************************************

anjsh lacanlale: JOSE

JoSe Ramilo: angelita!!!

anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah?

JoSe Ramilo: matakaw??

JoSe Ramilo: hehe

anjsh lacanlale: amf wala talaga kayo matinong sagot

JoSe Ramilo: hehe..

JoSe Ramilo: bkit survery ba to?

anjsh lacanlale: uu

anjsh lacanlale: para sa blog

*************************************

anjsh lacanlale: birthday boy
anjsh lacanlale: wala ka pa first impression kay hannah
Toby: no un?
Toby: aw
Toby: janice de belen
anjsh lacanlale: amfness

*************************************

anjsh lacanlale: batang may sakit
anjsh lacanlale: ano first impression mo kay hannah??
ferdz Palaspas: hirap nman ng tnong mo,d ako makapg-icip ngyun
ferdz Palaspas: hehehe,juke lang
ferdz Palaspas: dali,icipin ko kung anong first impression ko sa knya
anjsh lacanlale: bilis na ng makapagpost na ko
ferdz Palaspas: ako n lang inaantay mo?
ferdz Palaspas: hehe
anjsh lacanlale: uu
ferdz Palaspas: naalala ko n.. "bat d p siya bumili ng bago nyang damit?sikip n ng mga damit nya e,hehe"

*************************************

Si misch nalang wala saka si Eg. Busy daw kasi si eg sa pag drive.

Ako first Impression ko kay hannah pag pasok ko ng pinto sa Antel "ei may bago girl sa ofis at ang agang pumasok (nung mga panahong yun, ako, si misch, si rica, at ms.lhen lang ang babae sa pwesto namin)". "Ayos pumorma - kung kay riki pa jolina". "Sobrang tahimik sa pwesto nya - buti nalang naisipan ni eg na yayain mag break kaya naging tropa na." At ng medyo tumagal na nalaman na namin na sya ang nawawala kong kapatid...hahaha... parehong mahilig sa bag at sapatos kaya di kami pde pumunta ng mall ng madaming pera.

Shit... I Did It Again...

I am a fool.

My first statement is just a meek admission of how I perfectly accept the fact that I am an inch close to another shitty hell of a life. It was just one time that I completely forgot about how I should think straight and be good. But hell yes… every minute worth all the time I could probably spend in Satan’s den.

I pierced my tongue.

That’s how my heart rolls for him. It was so wrong and enjoying the feeling makes it so damn immoral. I accepted the pain reminding myself that it should have never happen. Some months ago, same thing happen. I etched his name on my wrist while masticating the whole idea of bizarre profession of love… err or should I really called it love? I don’t give a fuck… The feeling is wonderful but at the same time exhausting. It was scary yet I am hooked. It wasn’t love… It was just now that I become sure of it. It was hazy and vague feeling that no philosophers or experts dared to invent a term. And yet again, I don’t care. He was like my calming pill… prohibited but addictive. He was like my metal piercing, painful but all worth it.

How Tagaytay healed my throbbing heart.

He knew it. I am sure that I am giving him the right signal. I wanted to see him and hug him close before he storms out of my life. It never happened. It wasn’t the right moment I am dreaming of. It became an awkward exchange of glances and monotonous conversation. It wasn’t our moment. It was a normal goodbye, the way it should be. I closed my door and let my warm teardrops reach my lips. I was sobbing like nuts. It wasn’t yet another perfect moment. I let the numbness overcome my sanity. My friends were all there to help me survive the twinge. We drive and drive till I stop crying. I opened my windows… I can see nothing but darkness and cliff. No lights, narrow road, trees, mountains and silence. We’re lost.

That moment, I came back. I became human again and felt scared. My heart is aching but I don’t want to die, I blurted out. Where the hell are we? Combined instinct, prayers and hope, we found our spot. The place I always wanted to go whenever I want to carve a smile on my face… Tagaytay!

Breezy and cold but the place was silent and calm. I am with the two best people in the world. We spend the night in a private rest house that we rented, munching coco puffs and Bear Brand. The horrid night became another perfect night for us.

I now reach another ending…. Close curtain for the second act.