Ano nga ba ang kaibigan? Kasama sa paaralan, kausap sa telepono, takbuhan tuwing may problema at katulong sa maraming bagay. Ngunit sa tingin nyo ba ito lang ang mga sapat na dahilan upang masabi mo na ang isang tao ay iyo ng kaibigan? Sa mahigit tatlong taon kong pag aaral dito sa San Sebastian College Recoletos, nakilala ko ang mga taong maituturing kong tunay na kaibigan. Maaring hindi man sila perpekto ngunit masasabi ko na ang bawat isa sa kanila ay nagtataglay ng isang katangiang hindi mo mahahanap sa iba.
Marahil ang katangiang ito ay ang isang bagay kung bakit maraming hindi makaintindi sa amin. Kung ikaw ay papasok sa aming silid aralan maoobserbahan mo na ang bawat isa ay nagkakaintindihan, ika nga walang iwanan. Ang problema ng isa ay problema ng lahat. Para kaming isang pamilya na marunong rumespeto sa nararamdaman ng bawat isa. Ang lahat ng bagay ay aming pinagsasaluhan, sama sama naming hinaharap ang bawat unos na darating at ang bawat tagumpay na aming tinatamasa.
Sino nga ba kami? I –Charity 1999-2000, II- Our Lady of Mt. Carmel 2000-2001, III- St. Peter 2001-2002 at ngayon IV- St. Augustine 2002-2003. Sa mga nakalipas na taong ito nakilala namin ng lubusan ang bawat isa sa amin. Saksi ang mga silid aralan na minsa’y aming naging silid, ang mga upuan na minsa’y aming inupuan, ang mga pisara na minsa’y aming ginamit upang lumawak ang aming kaalaman, ang mga guro na naging instrumento ng aming pag unlad at ang paaralang ito na minsa’y aming naging pangalawang tahanan. Oo nga kami nga ito, sinasabing pinaka maingay at pinaka magulong “first section” sa buong kasaysayan ng SSC-R. ano nga ba ang magagawa, e talagang kami ay iba.
Madalas kaming mamataan sa Mcdonalds dyan sa may Lepanto. Isang mahabang linya ng mesa ang makikita mo. Duon namin idinadaos ang bawat araw na nais naming magsama sama para sa mga simpleng okasyon. Minsan nagagalit na nga ang mga security guards sa amin dahil maingay kami, madalas kasing maririnig ang malalakas na tawanan at kuwentuhan na syang nangyayari sa aming pang araw araw. O di kaya naman sa bahay ng isa sa mga kamag aral namin, naguusap usap tungkol sa mga problema, nagdadamayan at minsa’y nagkakaiyakan pa nga. Tuwing may proyekto, kahit na iba’t iba ang mga grupo, kami ay nagtutulungan. Hindi namin ipinagdadamot ang bawat nalalaman namin.
Sabi ko nga hindi kami perpekto, minsa’y nagkakaroon din kami ng hindi pagkakaintindihan. Natural lang sa bawat isa sa amin ang magkamali, sapagkat kami din ay tao din lang. Ngunit ito’y aming pinaguusapan kuing kaya’t ang problema ay agad namang nalulutasan. Tumatayo kami ng buong tapang sa bawat pagkakadapa namin.
Hindi rin namin siguro masisisi ang iba kung bakit hindi maganda ang paningin nila sa amin. Sa bagay iba naman talaga ang tingin ng ibang mag-aaral sa mga nasa “first section”. Akala nila dahil kami ay nasa “first section” ay wala na kaming ginagawa kundi ang mag aral at mag aral na lang. Tulad din kami ng ibang magaaral, minsan nga mas malala pa ata kami sa kanila. Minsa’y napapagod din kami sa mga sunod sunod na proyekto, at nakakakuha din kami ng mababang marka sa Math. Marunong din kaming dumaldal at maglakwatsa. Normal din kaming tulad ng iba, ang pagkakaiba nga lang namin ay higit naming pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang bawat bagay na alam naming magiging parte ng aming kinabukasan.
Napagtitibay namin ang bawat relasyon ng mga kamag aral hindi lang sa loob ng silid maging sa labas man ng pinto. Hindi kailan man naging balakid ang pagiging iba ng section upang maputol na ang relasyon namin bilang magkakaibigan. Hindi man namin kasama ang isa’t isa sa iisang silid alam namin na maaring isang pader lang ang pagitan at ito’y hindi sapat na dahilan upang mapigil ang aming pinagsamahan.
Sa bawat araw na lumilipas, bawat minutong nagdaraan, bawat segundong nawawala, hindi namin maiwasang minsa’y sumagi sa aming isipan ang salitang “Salamat”. Marahil nakapagtataka, “ Salamat”, para sa lahat ng taong naging inspirasyon namin, sa aming mga guro na nagturo ng landas na ito upang tumibay ang aming pagsasamahan at sa amin syempre na nagbukas ng kani- kani lang puso’t isipan upang tanggapin ang bawat isa.
NOTE: I wrote this entry when I was still in highschool (Sept. 16,2001). I was a writer for Feedback; the official school publication of San Sebastian College Recoletos-Manila. I was inspired to write this entry because at that time our class was in the middle of shitty controversies. Despite of that, we managed to hold our shit together and ignore whatever crap that blocked our way. Unfortunately, this wasn't published because it might damage the reputation of the paper.
LOVE… Why do we keep on searching for this thing called LOVE? We as human beings devote our entire life looking for love or giving love despite the fact that we often get hurt and shattered into pieces. Love really works in mysterious ways. Love can make you happy. Love can make you cry. Love can make you angry. Love can kill you. Love can change your personality. Love can inspire you. Love can make you strong. Love can make you weak. Love can fool you. Love can do wonders but it can also destroy. LOVE—four letter word yet one big meaning.
I just couldn’t understand why most of us girls often found ourselves in this particular situation where in we are falling for jerks who don’t appreciate our efforts yet we let them unnerve us. Is it because every time we switch on our television or flip a romance pocket book, we always read this common equation—girl+love+scumbag boy+change+good boy= happily ever after? Have you ever really know someone who happens to be in a relationship with a jerk that works? I guess none because it doesn’t exist. It only happens in Robin Padilla and Sharon Cuneta's movies.
What’s the fuss all about? I was in that situation six months ago. I fell in love with a classic textbook asshole, a stick figure with no soul. I fell in love so hard that changed my entire perspective. At that moment, I was living in a different world. The feeling is boundless happiness and numbing joy. It was sinful yet addictive. I was blinded by my feelings and let my whole life shattered into pieces. It was too late for me to notice that while I am enjoying the best days of my life with that someone, I am destroying the things that I have worked for before. The worst part was I can’t blame anyone but myself because it was I who lead me into that shitty mess. I stubbornly shut my friends and family’s call to warn me. I even pulled a “You and Me Against the World” shit on them. I wasn’t really thinking straight at that time. I don’t care even if I was slowly forgetting my responsibilities at home and work, I don’t care even if I was rarely home, I don’t care even if I knew that I am violating someone else’s feelings, I don’t care even if I was using my friends’ name just to cover my shit up as long as I am with him and nothing else matters to me.
"Take nothing but pictures... Leave nothing but footprints... Kill nothing but time..."
I found myself walking on thin ice. One by one my friends were turning their back at me. My family despised me. People around me got tired of looking and talking to me. That was when I was forced to wake up. And when I opened my eyes, I no longer have my old life. Now, I was trying to cope up and fix what’s left for me. I am broken and shattered but life has to go on. The world will not stop from spinning just because I stumble and screwed mine. I can honestly say that I am fine now. I have moved on and accept the changes. It might take awhile before I can fall in love again or it might not happen again. All I know is, what happen three months ago is really life altering. Not only that I learned so much but it makes me stronger and wiser. I now know how to appreciate every little thing I have and be a better person.
Yes I have moved on but I am not yet ready to fall in love again. I am not looking for anyone right now and I am enjoying my life as it is. I am not saying that I am giving up on love but I am definitely admitting that I am afraid to use my heart again. I don’t know if I will be married someday. I don’t even know if I wanted to be married at all. All I know is I am still hoping that I won’t be alone when I am old and wrinkly. I hope…
