LOVE… Why do we keep on searching for this thing called LOVE? We as human beings devote our entire life looking for love or giving love despite the fact that we often get hurt and shattered into pieces. Love really works in mysterious ways. Love can make you happy. Love can make you cry. Love can make you angry. Love can kill you. Love can change your personality. Love can inspire you. Love can make you strong. Love can make you weak. Love can fool you. Love can do wonders but it can also destroy. LOVE—four letter word yet one big meaning.
I just couldn’t understand why most of us girls often found ourselves in this particular situation where in we are falling for jerks who don’t appreciate our efforts yet we let them unnerve us. Is it because every time we switch on our television or flip a romance pocket book, we always read this common equation—girl+love+scumbag boy+change+good boy= happily ever after? Have you ever really know someone who happens to be in a relationship with a jerk that works? I guess none because it doesn’t exist. It only happens in Robin Padilla and Sharon Cuneta's movies.
What’s the fuss all about? I was in that situation six months ago. I fell in love with a classic textbook asshole, a stick figure with no soul. I fell in love so hard that changed my entire perspective. At that moment, I was living in a different world. The feeling is boundless happiness and numbing joy. It was sinful yet addictive. I was blinded by my feelings and let my whole life shattered into pieces. It was too late for me to notice that while I am enjoying the best days of my life with that someone, I am destroying the things that I have worked for before. The worst part was I can’t blame anyone but myself because it was I who lead me into that shitty mess. I stubbornly shut my friends and family’s call to warn me. I even pulled a “You and Me Against the World” shit on them. I wasn’t really thinking straight at that time. I don’t care even if I was slowly forgetting my responsibilities at home and work, I don’t care even if I was rarely home, I don’t care even if I knew that I am violating someone else’s feelings, I don’t care even if I was using my friends’ name just to cover my shit up as long as I am with him and nothing else matters to me.
"Take nothing but pictures... Leave nothing but footprints... Kill nothing but time..."
I found myself walking on thin ice. One by one my friends were turning their back at me. My family despised me. People around me got tired of looking and talking to me. That was when I was forced to wake up. And when I opened my eyes, I no longer have my old life. Now, I was trying to cope up and fix what’s left for me. I am broken and shattered but life has to go on. The world will not stop from spinning just because I stumble and screwed mine. I can honestly say that I am fine now. I have moved on and accept the changes. It might take awhile before I can fall in love again or it might not happen again. All I know is, what happen three months ago is really life altering. Not only that I learned so much but it makes me stronger and wiser. I now know how to appreciate every little thing I have and be a better person.
Yes I have moved on but I am not yet ready to fall in love again. I am not looking for anyone right now and I am enjoying my life as it is. I am not saying that I am giving up on love but I am definitely admitting that I am afraid to use my heart again. I don’t know if I will be married someday. I don’t even know if I wanted to be married at all. All I know is I am still hoping that I won’t be alone when I am old and wrinkly. I hope…
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