First of all, I would like to thank you for the life you
gave to me. I will forever be grateful to both of you for giving me a chance to
see and experience the world. You have your share of sacrifices just to have
me. And I know at some point, you had doubts and wanted to give up. But it’s
okay. Life could get tough and sometimes we think things out of desperation
covered in pain. But nevertheless, you decided not to and fight for me.
The world is not perfect. I knew that because you let me
taste the sweetness and filth of it. You let me be who, where and what I want
to be. You let me fail on my own and succeed on my own. You let me stand up for
my beliefs and choose the kind of life I want to have. You watched me failed a
lot of times and stand up from where I fall. You saw me conquered my fears to
win a prize. You saw my weaknesses and my strength. You let me be, what I am today.
But again, the world is not perfect. We are susceptible to
treachery, misconduct and hate. The world is not rainbows and butterflies. It was
never that way, for anyone – including us. But the dangers of this so called
life will never delude my beliefs. I may cry. I may say I want to die. But I am
a survivor – just like the Phoenix tattooed on my back. I will burn and die but
from the remnants of my own death, I shall rise and see the world again.
I watched you fight and hurt each other. Our home is as
displeasing as the wild. I grew up tolerating the general fuckery inside our
home and pretended to rest my head and close my eyes to ignore the real deal. I
knew you tried so hard to cover things up by giving me luxurious gifts and
comfortable room. You made my not-so-perfect-world fart fake rainbows and
butterflies.
But you came to a point where lies could no longer cover the
truth. You called it quits. You decided it is best that way. I agreed, not
because it is best that way but because it should be that way. But I never said
it is not painful. I never said I can get over it that quick. However, you both
started seeing someone else. Forgetting that I still have feelings and I am
still recuperating. I tried telling you that I haven’t moved on but you called
me selfish. That’s why I shut my mouth and never speak off it again. I cried
every night, asking why I deserve such a great deal of pain. I never had an
answer. Those painful feelings started to fade and transform into anger. There’s
a burning rage boiling inside me that I can’t release. It eats me up inside
making me somebody I don’t desire.
That is why I am writing this. Because the only thing that
kept me from exploding is this one tiny hope that one day, this will end. Because
for now, we are in a different place. We no longer sing the same song. We are
no longer that same people. But it’s okay because like what I have said, the
world is not perfect.
