Looking Through the Eyes of A Clown

I carved a smile to hide my pain

and throw puns to remain sane

I live for my people's laughter

and tire myself with endless banter

But when the light goes out

and my face awashed

I looked at the mirror

and see a different person

Tormented by fate's insanity

crashed by someone else uncertainty

I harbor my tears to shelter my being

and cut my heart to numb my feelings

I scream in pain

But no one hears

I plead for help

but no one cares

I lost myself in the pool of gloominess

till nothing is left to end this weariness

my soul is stuck in this endless pit

and so I close my eyes as I end it...

A Fair Warning To You, Father

A noted professor from my academic years told me that it takes a lot of courage for a man to date someone like me because of the way I think. That teacher told me that if I don’t learn to think and act normal I may never get someone to grow old with. Ten years later, I fully understand his premise.

I am not normal. I am not dangerous but I definitely don’t think the way most people do. I respond well to pain and I always root for the peculiar. I don’t blend well in the crowd. I don’t stay in one place for a long time. I can only tolerate a minimum amount of human interaction and I always see things in a different perspective. I grew up in a disoriented and unconventional environment. The benchmark for good manners and appropriate behavior were marked lower than it should be and so I learned my lesson through trial and error. That is why, despite of my young age—I have seen and tasted the real world.

To err is human and to forgive is divine.

It made me who I am today. I may not be academically smart but I am sure as hell that I know how life works. I cannot be fooled by anyone unless I intentionally want to. I have reasons why I don’t speak up yet. But keep in mind that day will come eventually and when that time comes; don’t hold your horses because I won’t hold mine.   

What I wanted to say… What I really wanted to say is, you better watch out!