This is going to be my first post for 2015. I haven’t been
updating this blog for a long time not because I have no time but because I
simply don’t have anything to write about. Lately, my life revolves around work,
home, dogs and TV series marathon. Fun and I had a temporary set-back. Not that
I resent fun but lately I feel like my life is pretty much running the same
course every single day. I got tired of doing things I used to enjoy or being
with people I used to be with. I feel like I am comfortable being alone. It
terrifies me how I love being with myself and I preferred shutting down all
kinds of human interaction. I am scared to wake up one day and realized I
already barred everyone away and I am in different kind of alone. But I can’t
help it. I actually love having no one around me.
Another reason why I don’t blog anymore is the fact that I
think I am getting rusty. I have a number of failed attempts before in updating
this blog site. But somewhere along my twisted mind, I can’t finish what I
started. I can’t formulate a complete train of thought let alone finish a whole
blog entry. I am all over the place. (writing this entry alone took me a month,
so, get my point?)
2014 was an emotional rollercoaster ride. It’s a constant feast
of treachery, betrayal and anguish. I never thought I could make it through but
maybe, just maybe, having been in a
near-death situation could really make your skin a little thicker and your
heart a little harder.
I’ve been doing very well, career wise. I finished off my
deliverables with an ultimate perfection. I hosted different corporate events
and parties both for fun and work – all of which hit with absolute aptness. I
have received sumptuous clamor and appreciation from both the Big Boss and the
Super Big Boss. But then again, you can’t really have the best of both worlds.
While I am rocking solidly at my job, my family affair was doing the bitching. But
I was able to make it until the end of the year and frankly, I think I am OK.
I lost a friend just before the holiday started. It was a
bit shocking and it forced everyone in my High school group to reunite
(virtually) to commemorate his life. Death of a loved one is really a constant
reminder of mortality and how we should really savor every minute of our own
existence before we clocked out.
Then a week after my birthday, one of my dogs died. He’s
been suffering from an organ failure for quite sometimes and it was really
heartbreaking. It was not a sudden death but it cut my heart so bad that it
made me decide to stop adopting pets for awhile. As of writing this entry, I am
still not yet over the pain and still having flashbacks of that sordid event.
I am OK. Or at least I think I am. I am having this panic
attack lately which I masked flawlessly for everyone to not notice. I am getting
better at this. Every time I feel that ounce of panic in my system, instead of
popping calming pills, I start doing some physical work. Like immediately after
my dog died, I cleaned the entire house, have my hair chopped, dyed it and
performed a DYI keratin treatment. I don’t know if I am dealing it the right
way but I guess it works.
So I guess I am OK.
I hope I am OK.
