I am a fool.
My first statement is just a meek admission of how I perfectly accept the fact that I am an inch close to another shitty hell of a life. It was just one time that I completely forgot about how I should think straight and be good. But hell yes… every minute worth all the time I could probably spend in Satan’s den.
I pierced my tongue.
That’s how my heart rolls for him. It was so wrong and enjoying the feeling makes it so damn immoral. I accepted the pain reminding myself that it should have never happen. Some months ago, same thing happen. I etched his name on my wrist while masticating the whole idea of bizarre profession of love… err or should I really called it love? I don’t give a fuck… The feeling is wonderful but at the same time exhausting. It was scary yet I am hooked. It wasn’t love… It was just now that I become sure of it. It was hazy and vague feeling that no philosophers or experts dared to invent a term. And yet again, I don’t care. He was like my calming pill… prohibited but addictive. He was like my metal piercing, painful but all worth it.
How Tagaytay healed my throbbing heart.
He knew it. I am sure that I am giving him the right signal. I wanted to see him and hug him close before he storms out of my life. It never happened. It wasn’t the right moment I am dreaming of. It became an awkward exchange of glances and monotonous conversation. It wasn’t our moment. It was a normal goodbye, the way it should be. I closed my door and let my warm teardrops reach my lips. I was sobbing like nuts. It wasn’t yet another perfect moment. I let the numbness overcome my sanity. My friends were all there to help me survive the twinge. We drive and drive till I stop crying. I opened my windows… I can see nothing but darkness and cliff. No lights, narrow road, trees, mountains and silence. We’re lost.
That moment, I came back. I became human again and felt scared. My heart is aching but I don’t want to die, I blurted out. Where the hell are we? Combined instinct, prayers and hope, we found our spot. The place I always wanted to go whenever I want to carve a smile on my face… Tagaytay!
Breezy and cold but the place was silent and calm. I am with the two best people in the world. We spend the night in a private rest house that we rented, munching coco puffs and Bear Brand. The horrid night became another perfect night for us.
I now reach another ending…. Close curtain for the second act.
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