Roger "FUCKIN" Rabbit: A Very Short Story

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. It was one of the highest and lowest point of my life. It was that very day that I realized how blessed I am to have friends from in and outside my job. It felt good.

But at the very same moment, I am battling 95 demons in my head. After 8 years of no meds and therapy, they are back- stronger and angrier. I tried working it out alone. But it only lead me to a series of poor decisions. I let my guards down, allowing vultures to feed on my decaying insecurities and need of appreciation.

Then there was this one guy - let’s call him Roger. It was a flick of gold shimmer in the pool of mud and garbage of my so called life. For a brief moment, I was lead to believe that I am worth loving. It was a short moment of bliss. 

He's not Dave. My friends told me he's an overcorrection. Not the typical guy I will date. Even the boss warned me, "Why start something you knew that is doom from the start..." I said that the only red flag I saw in him is the fact that we live in the opposite side of the spectrum. I am Ying and he's my Yang. I can work with that. I am willing to meet him halfway or even join him in his Yang realm.

And then it was gone. His reason was blurry. I did not understand or maybe I refused to understand. All I know was, I have to get away from him. To save face. To save my heart from breaking... again. But to be honest, I wasn't in love yet. I am hurt not because I already have a deep attachment to him. I just can't seem to fathom the idea that I got played nine ways to Sunday. He's good. He's Roger Fucking Rabbit good. I'd like to believe that I am a pro. I mean come on... I am not the goody good good either. Promiscuity is my middle name. After all, I am my father's daughter. Yes! You can google our family's flirty history. FOR GOD'S SAKE, WE'RE ON THE NEWS BECAUSE OF THAT!

But Roger Fucking Rabbit is Al Pacino. He is the godfather. Hands-down-raise-the-roof-tip-of-the-hat good. He's a con artist in disguise. Fucking redundant. For awhile, I thought God sent me this man to change me. To leave the lifestyle I am living for 30 years. I guess, I'd be sticking for awhile. Not today kid. Not today.