And I am still here… stuck in my own made stink hole.
“I know it’s over—still I cling”
Some weeks ago, I was so certain that I have made the right decision. But now, I am confused. Everyone gave the exact same comment. It’s as if I am the dumbest person in the world. Now I don’t know what to do. I am doing well as of now; it’s not that I am not hurting anymore… I am just feeling the freedom in my hand. But that freedom had given me too much twinge and heaviness.
Yet, I know I quit because I need to do so. I need to find some pieces of my broken self. I need to find my lost soul so I could be happy again. I was so certain that even though it was my fault because I ended it, I shouldn’t be blamed because I did the right thing for us. Yet, I am still the bad guy.
It was just me who face the truth that there was something wrong with us. And it was so painful everyday seeing myself stuck in that tormenting situation. I felt that I have to do something. I have to lift one finger to let the other person know that we were not growing anymore.
I was on the verge of undoing my mistakes with him when another mother effin issue stormed my life. It’s like another melodramatic incident that makes my life more miserable and humiliating. It was a non-stop drama about money, infidelity and morality. It’s a never-ending argument between two people who have committed odd behavior and now it’s all coming back like some stupid revenge. As much as I don’t want to deal with this schiz anymore, I have no choice. So I found myself stuck in a very awkward situation and from that moment, I already accepted the fact that I am gonna be trap with them… FOREVER!
“Life is like the Webdate Team, it can never be serious”
I was with the Webdate gang last Saturday. After several months of being an invisible friend to them, I find it very important to show up this time. We all came by and pay our respect to Paeng’s father who passed away just recently. I know we couldn’t do anything to ease his throbbing soul but at least we made him smile that night. It wasn’t the typical gang making fun of everything. We were all laughing but at the same time we knew that there was still heaviness beneath our giggles because even if death is inevitable, it is still painful.
“WE WORK HARD… WE PARTY HARDER”
Right after that, I went straight to Iweb’s Party at Watering Hole. I kind of gate crash the shindig since I am no longer listed in their payroll but Iweb gave me the warmest welcome (like they always do) for visiting them. To make the long story short, free booze, party people and cool music equals all out fun. I can’t help but to admit that I really do miss these people and if destiny permits I would still want to come back and
work with them again. And for the highlight of this event, after all the bashing and exchange of angry remarks, the “project manager” and I ended our fight. A shot of Black Label and Strawberry Vodka made me say this line, “Taena, kalimutan na natin yun tagal na yun eh”.
I boozed myself too much that is why I ended up puking my entire digestive system out all night. The following day for me was excruciating because I was drunk and yet I have to wake my ass up to entertain the big bro’s French client and friends. It was really exhausting and I can almost feel my physical body slowly detaching from reality. But the food was great… at least I had a little consuelo from it.
And now, I am back here in my cubicle waiting for my normal body parts to arrive.
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