Last Saturday and Sunday was peculiar and outlandish. I actually knew what went wrong but the thing was I can’t accept that I am really falling for it… not again! It wasn’t even real, it wasn’t even anything passionate and hell fucks it wasn’t even worth it. I am being vague here but as much as I wanted to re-tell the whole shit thing out… I don’t even know how to start.
After this entire schiz even existed in my system, I was a lousy fucktard every morning. I always struggle when waking up to start another day in my daily job. It’s not that I am not fond of earning money; I just love spending inevitable amount of time in bed.
Now, I am agitated every sunrise to wake up and glam up only to torture myself from watching an excruciating view that never fails to ruin my entire day. Every morning, I am half expecting that it will be different but nevertheless it’s not. I am stuck in the corner, polluting my lungs with nicotine and wondering how I will incarcerate all the angry thoughts in my nuts. At the end of the day, I am craving for alcohol to help in fooling myself that tomorrow will be another day. And just recently, I am back to my calming pills. Bad or worst, I don’t effin know!
It’s been two weeks of non-stop alcohol consumption. I am back to my old self… the same person who was shattered and molested by the never ending blows of shit-life drama. But this time, I am much stronger and wiser not to give too much emphasis on that particular portion in my life.
This is the first time I am gonna admit this thing… I am falling in love. Damn it! No matter how hard I try not to feel this stupid shit anymore… it’s not working. And what made it worst was, every day it gets deeper and deeper. He doesn’t know and he doesn’t have to know. I intend to keep it forever till it fades. What we have right now is a flourishing friendship and I want to keep it that way. There is no room for any fucktarded conflict or issues in my system right now. I am currently enjoying the freedom in my hands… and yeah that’s it!
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