How ‘Bout A Round Of Applause

It’s been two months since the day I finally accepted that I cannot start any real relationship with another human being because there are some feelings that I need to overcome with before I do so. The previous one was a big mistake. He might be reading this but seriously it wasn’t my plan. I didn’t mean to use and hurt him this way but it was just now that I completely understand why things weren’t working out. It’s because I am into someone else. I am not sure if it is love but I am totally positive that he’s the one I want to be with right now.

Two years ago, I met a man who for some reason sweeps my sanity away from my nuts. But this

guy is fucking married and he really loves his family. It started out with just a simple infatuation. I admire him for his superb talent in music and his dedication in his craft. And then we became friends-- a little inch closer from the rest of the group. I can relate to him as well as he can relate to me easily despite of the age gap. With that, my so called infatuation was nurtured and he then became an obsession. I am digging my grave faster than I thought. Everyone in my group were all despising the fact that he ever existed and perpetually reminding me of the seventh and tenth commandment of God. But I am stubborn. So before I knew it, I am fallen for my own shit and the only way I could think of is to run away. I did that. I took off and leave his world.

I thought I was doing fine. I still talked to him on a distant communication. I never had the courage to see him after I left. I never tried to test my courage since I am too scared to fail. Then I met someone that saved me from that crappy hell. I thought I was happy but things eventually turned bad and awful. I broke his heart as I left him.

I was regaining my life back. Quenching alcohol and partying with my old and new friends. Then one normal night, I got acquainted from the man I ran away from two years ago. At that moment I had no choice but to face him. I honestly feel that I can do it without the peculiar feeling that I used to have. But I was wrong... the moment I looked at his eyes and his hand brushed my face, those two years of learning how to let go had just popped like a bubble in my face. He knows how to unnerve me and made me do things I shouldn’t have done in the first place. I knew it was wrong. But even if I knew that it was erroneous, just the thought of him makes it all right. That night was magical, the feeling was unfathomable and I swear I would want to stop and let the moment stay forever. But the sun was rising fast and that signaled us that we should all go back to our senses. Reality has to smack our faces that the magical moment was just a dream and it was time to wake up. It was time to stand up and go back to our daily lives—the normal lives which we both dwells on to. The kind of truth that I wanted to bury for the longest time—that he belongs to someone else’s sky and I am alone with a broken heart and a broken self.

And today, I am running again—running away from him. But I am much wiser… I certainly think that. I can’t say that playing the role of the home wrecker bitch for a night is a wise move but doing things to seize that moment from happening is brilliant.

Writing in this blog is like having an invisible friend. It’s like a confession box where I can just type away all the thoughts that my brain could possibly generate. Most will definitely be shocked or might think that I have written the gayest entry of all time… But this part of my life makes me stronger and it inspires me more to be a better human being. This is my life’s journey that I would never ever want to forget. All the values and the pain molded me to become a decent and enhanced woman.

But you put on quite a show, really had me going.

But now it's time to go, curtains finally closing.

That was quite a show, very entertaining...

BUT IT'S OVER NOW... GO ON AND TAKE A BOW!